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Illinois vs. Texas

Published: Wednesday, Aug. 20, 2014 5:30 a.m. CDT

To the Editor:

The Illinois governor is jogging on a nature trail with his dog and is attacked by a coyote.

Animal control captures coyote and bills the state $1,000 for testing and $1,500 for relocation. A veterinarian collects the dead dog and bills the state $500. The governor’s hospital bills the state $3,500.

The nature trail is shut down for six months while fish and game conducts a $100,000 study. The governor spends $50,000 in implementing a coyote awareness program. The state spends $2 million to study rabies eradication worldwide.

The governor fires a security guard and spends $150,000 to train a new agent with additional coyote training. PETA files a $5 million lawsuit against the state for coyote relocation. The governor’s security agent sues the state for wrongful termination and is awarded $2 million in damages. A minority firm sues the state for the security position. A Union sues the state, requesting additional security. Taxpayers flee the state while the governor blames the press for over simplification.

The Texas governor is jogging on a nature trail with his dog and is attacked by a coyote. The governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued weapon and ammunition. Buzzards eat the coyote. The governor finishes jogging and returns to work.

The election nears. Please get it right. Conceptually plagiarized for parody.

Donald Allen

McHenry

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